10 Signs That You’re About To Break Up With Your Partner

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February 23, 2011 at 10:47 am  •  Posted in Humor by  •  1 Comment

Couple walking in forest park, Portland, OregonFifty-seven percent of people in a relationship don’t realize that they’re about to break up with their partner until it’s too late.

Take this week’s relationship quiz to find out if you’re at risk of dumping your partner.

Read the following statements and mark yes/no for each one. Add up the total number of “yes” answers to determine your Break-up Potential Score.

  1. You recently said to your partner, “I think we need to talk.”
  2. You made new friends (not shared with your partner) who like to party all the time, party all the time…
  3. In the past month, you’ve woken up in bed with a member of the opposite sex at least one time. [Or same sex if that’s your thing.]
  4. You started a new hobby that you don’t want to share with your partner.
  5. You’ve expanded your definition of acceptable touching during massage.
  6. When you talk to your partner, you sound like you did when you worked at an ice cream store in high school. “Yeah, if you wanted hot fudge on your hot fudge sundae, you should’ve told me before I made it!”
  7. You’ve stopped fighting with your partner over the grotesque hair on his/her body that shows when you go out to dinner.
  8. You bought a gun and/or professional chef’s knives that you haven’t told your partner about.
  9. You prefer oneplay to foreplay with your partner.
  10. You bought a jumbo pack of adult diapers for your solo road trip to visit a “friend.”

Break-up Potential Score

1-3 There’s Still Hope. If you act fast, you might be able to keep the words, “It’s not you, it’s me,” from coming out of your mouth. The best solution is to take a break. This resets the clock in your relationship, allowing you to have first-date sex again.

4-6. It Could Go Either Way. Your relationship is at a pivot point. You need more data before knowing whether you’re going to end the relationship. For one week, have sex with your partner three times a day. Multiply the number of orgasms you have by 3, and subtract the number of times you think of other people during sex. If your score is less than 15, move on already. If your score is 15 or more, buy some kinky sex props to spice up your love life.

7-9 You Can Almost Taste the Freedom. Look in the mirror. Your eyes probably already have that far-off look that wild animals get after they’ve been caged for too long. Act now while you still have the strength to chew off your own paw and crawl away from the shackles of your partner’s love.

10+ It’s Already Over. Chances are, you’ve already broken up with your partner and neither one of you noticed. This often happens when the lines of communication in your relationship are overwhelmed by data-hogging apps. Only a professional can determine whether your relationship is still alive.

So now that you’re aware of these tell-tale breakup indicators, be on the lookout for them, not only in your own relationships, but also in the relationships of your friends and co-workers. Being able to spot these warning signs in the relationships of others will make it much easier to notice them when you dump them on your partner’s doorstep.

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Photo: Copyright 2010 Shawn Radcliffe

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