10 Secret Government Lists You Might Be On

January 30, 2011 at 10:03 am  •  Posted in Humor by  •  0 Comments

List written on a chalkboard: bread, butter, cheeseThe ACLU sued the United States government over its “No-Fly” list, claiming that people have no way to find out if they are on the secret list, why they are on the list, or how to clear their names.

Here are a few of the other secret lists maintained by the U.S. government (these were provided by Mossad, Israel’s intelligence agency, which has been keeping its own list of U.S. lists for years).

  • Chelsea Clinton’s wedding guest list.
  • People accidentally shot by Dick Cheney (from the age of 3 months to the present).
  • Actors who have used the excuse “It’s not my purse” when caught with cocaine on their possession (this includes most of the actors within six degrees of separation from St. Elmo’s Fire).
  • Democrats who like to wear women’s underwear.
  • Foods that make your farts smell good.
  • Mile High Club for people who have had sex in an airplane (many of these are also now on the “No-Fly” list).
  • Skeletons in Republican politicians’ closets (including an actual skeleton in Congressman Bernie Sander’s vacation home where party members often go for a weekend at Bernie’s).
  • Dirty words in Arabic.
  • Guns owned by Republicans (including a pink Annie Oakley pistol kept in Newt Gingrich’s dresser).
  • Ways to get European leaders to bend over backwards for the U.S. (e.g., “C’mon, baby gonna cry?” and “Israel’s doing it.”)

(Photo courtesy of Veezzle).

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