Okay, the actual tradition is pretending to learn from your mistakes or blaming the mistakes on someone else (e.g. the other political party, lazy unemployed people, the unions).
Before we start the new year, here is the 2010 year in review with the top 10 lessons learned.
- If you’re prone to naked fits of rage, try to have them at home rather than at the Plaza Hotel in New York. Also, it’s best if your porn star date, ex-wife, and children aren’t all around at the time.
- If you run out of things to say about famous people, accuse them of being gay.
- Banks are like prostitutes, screwing you is their business. It’s you’re responsibility to use protection.
- Don’t invite Bill O’Reilly onto your feel-good talk show, because no matter what you tell yourself, three seconds after he opens his mouth you’ll want to walk off the set.
- If a group is planning on building a church near your favorite strip club, accuse them of being terrorists. And remember, getting up for God is not the same as getting up for Mistress Destiny.
- Real friends don’t videotape you taking hits from a bong saying, “Is it me tripping? Is it me tripping?”
- If you work at a U.S. consulate, write your reports on paper that explodes after being read.
- If you publish government secrets online, be sure to take your psychiatric medicine regularly and only have sex with women after the third date.
- Showing your cleavage in a video with Elmo is probably a bad idea.
- Always have a back-up plan for an unexpected spill; let’s call it Plan BP.