Transform Your Consciousness – OpenMinds School of Yoga

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June 28, 2016 at 11:00 am  •  Posted in Humor by  •  0 Comments

Open Minds School of Yoga logo

OpenMinds© 200-Hour Yoga Teacher Training in the Higher Consciousness Yoga© Style

Complete your 200-hour consciousness-raising yoga teaching certification with enlightened yoga educators who have studied many different yoga traditions and channelled aliens and other beings from higher realms.

This training blends the ancient wisdom of yoga with contemporary acceptance techniques and modern science**.

Study in a supportive, relaxed vegan, bone broth or Paleo environment that honors your life experiences and teaches you how to shed your individual ego to become part of the yogic collective consciousness.

Higher Consciousness Yoga© honors the creativity and personal truth of every student.

Instead of worrying how to be true to themselves — both on and off the mat — students are guided through a learning process that helps them submit to the OpenMinds© yoga community, free of the burden of making their own decisions.

Whether you are ready to teach yoga, or wish to believe everything about the world that no one else believes, this training offers an incredible opportunity to immerse yourself in yoga and open belief.

Join us in this life-expanding training and experience how yoga can open your heart, mind and subtle bodies to the flowing stream of consciousness that permeates the universe.

“Faulkner should be so lucky! OpenMinds© School of Yoga taps into a stream of consciousness wider than the Nile River, drawing on the sound energy imbued in the Pyramid of Giza by the Arcturians and other Ancient Alien races. This training is a must-take for all unenlightened beings craving a glimmer of greatness in the onion layers of their being.” ~ Pia Bhuti Shakti “Mary” Cyhiraeth

**The enlightened OpenMinds© yoga educators, who will guide you on your journey of raising your consciousness, embrace modern science in all its forms and energetic intentions. But certain pseudo-scientific tenets of the global military-industrial-agricultural-entertainment complex are consciously and intentionally excluded from all teacher trainings, including:

  • pharmaceutical medications
  • allopathic medicine
  • rational discourse
  • guru dubiety
  • the male-centered fallacy of yoga perpetuated over the past several millennia by the likes of practitioners of ashtanga, power yoga, dude yoga, cat yoga, and punk rock yoga

sci fi, painting, hot air balloon, girl, dinosaur

Upcoming Consciousness Raising Trainings

May 27, 2016 to October 10, 2016
100-hour Down Dogs and the Voice of God: An Integrated Approach to Protecting Yourself From the Syndicates
Explore the ancient system of dog-shaped yoga poses, the “science” of everything that isn’t really science, and discover how the 118 elements of actinium, aluminum, americium, antimony, … ytterbium, yttrium, zinc and zirconium influence our constipation, personal finance, overall health and the planetary movements.

September 15, 2016 to December 4, 2016
100-hour Whispered Acceptance: Taking Your Place Among the OpenMinds© Yogic Collective Consciousness
Whispered Acceptance brings together ancient and powerful practices to release your sense of free will. It explores the Universal Consciousness present within all of us, and helps you let go of your habitual Western-driven need to say no to your guru. You will embrace and be embraced by the yogic collective consciousness. Free yourself from ego. Free yourself from thinking. Free yourself from decisions.

October 12, 2016 to October 17, 2016
50-hr Beyond Belief: The Subtle Energy Body
Our ability to believe, transmigrate our souls, and open our wallets and homes is the work we are here to do. Discover the onion layers that comprise your current existence, gain access to the higher-realm Akashic Records in order to find out what the Law of Attraction has in store for you, and learn how the pineal gland is affected by pollution, chemtrails and the evils of the pharmaceutical industry.

November 17, 2016 to June 11, 2017
200-hour Higher Consciousness Yoga© Teacher Training in Bali
Whether you are ready to teach yoga, or wish to believe everything about the world that no one else believes, this training offers an incredible opportunity to immerse yourself in yoga and open belief. Join us in this life-expanding training and experience how yoga can open your heart, mind and subtle bodies to the flowing stream of consciousness that permeates the universe.

January 13, 2017 to January 15, 2017
20-hour Honoring Your Guru Intensive
Join us in this weekend intensive as our senior enlightened OpenMinds© educators share with you the Illuminati-like secrets of honoring your true guru. Learn the proper form for kissing the feet of your guru without straining your back or drooling on your guru’s toes. Learn from Kimbra the ancient technique of scarf adjusting—your guru should always look her best (which means better than you). Learn how to be more open to your guru’s unpredictable outbursts of rage and mockery.

March 23, 2017 to October 8, 2017
200-hour Higher Consciousness Yoga© Teacher Training in Costa Rica
See above.

November 16, 2017 to June 10, 2018
200-hour Higher Consciousness Yoga© Teacher Training, energetic energy center location TBD
See above.

sci fi, painting, UFOs

Loki Scholarship for Aspiring Yoga Teachers

“Do you think the Bifrost is the only way in and out of this realm? There are passages between worlds to which even you, with all your gifts, are blind. But I have need of them no longer, now that I am king. And I say, for your act of treason, you are relieved of your duties as gatekeeper and no longer citizen of Asgard!” ~ Loki

Loki was a treasured friend of Raven, a dedicated and thoughtful yogi, a passionate trickster in his own right, and a wise teacher.

In his students he encouraged unquestioning acceptance of conspiracy theories, and facilitated transformation of individuals into a higher yogic collective consciousness. He was a fearless leader in the areas of Avenger justice, global domination and ego sustainability, and superhero inequality.

In honor of Loki’s dedication to selfless service, OpenMinds© School of Yoga has scholarships available for dedicated yoga teacher aspirants.

The scholarship is open to applicants who demonstrate the following:

  • A commitment to the practice of yoga, not necessarily limited to anything that resembles yoga, either conventionally or historically.
  • Financial need — based on Lululemon yoga clothing expenses, homeopathic medicine requirements, and the number of days spent avoiding looking for work while telling your parents the exact opposite.
  • A current and ongoing practice of open-minded belief — including chemtrails, aliens (outer space or inner earth), water talking or walking, channeling, past-life regression, and the Illuminati — or volunteer work.
  • Demonstrated ability to adjust scarves, fetch tea, arrange yoga mats in a harmonic circle, and otherwise make your enlightened yoga educators look good.

sci fi, painting, astronaut, pyramid, planet, universe, consciousness

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