Trump Announces Cabinet Members, Taps Zombie Dictators

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July 8, 2016 at 6:53 am  •  Posted in Humor by  •  0 Comments

Donald Trump, angry

Donald Trump angrily announces his Presidential cabinet members.

For months, people have been betting on who Donald Trump will choose to fill his Presidential cabinet.

Now the wait is over … with all the top positions awarded to the seriously undead.

For most people, the rise in zombie activity around the world has been nothing but a pain in the neck (or arm or leg or wherever the zombies bite).

But leave it to the presumptive Republican presidential nominee (also known as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named) to capitalize on other people’s suffering.

Today, speaking in front of Trump Tower in New York City — which Trump repeatedly referred to as “the third Twin Tower that no terrorist could knock down” — Trump announced his presidential cabinet members.

And thanks to some really skilled headhunters — some of whom are zombies, as you might expect — Trump was able to assemble a team that, he said, would help “Make America Great Again, You Motherfuckers!”

Trump led off his list of putrescently formerly deceased potential cabinet members with his pick for Secretary of Homeland Security — none other than Iraq’s former longtime bad boy, a man who was responsible for more deaths than Trump deals gone bad.

“Saddam Hussein was a bad guy, right? … But you know what he did well? He killed terrorists. He did that so good,” Trump said. “They didn’t read `em the rights, they didn’t talk. They were a terrorist, it was over.”

Saddam Hussein, capture, tired-looking, long beard

Saddam Hussein after his capture, but before becoming a zombie.

Next up, for Secretary of Health & Human Services, Muammar Gaddafi, the former Libyan leader who elevated ‘crazy dictator’ to new artistic levels. As always, Trump was quick to point out his superiority to his employees.

“I rented him a piece of land. He paid me more for one night than the land was worth for two years, and then I didn’t let him use the land,” Trump boasted. “I don’t want to use the word ‘screwed’, but I screwed him.”

Muammar Gaddafi, Libya, crazy clothes

Former Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi, dressed for success in Trump’s cabinet.

Adolf Hitler, the man who continues to inspire Fox News pundits, was expected to be named Secretary of Education for his commitment to teaching youth. But Trump surprised everyone with his pick of a man who knows more about impaling than informing — Vlad III.

When asked about this unexpected choice, Trump had one thing to say to our female journalist.

“You know, it doesn’t really matter what you write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass,” Trump said.

Hitler Youth, Germany, burning books

Hitler Youth showing their commitment to education.

Trump Complete Presidential Cabinet Line-up:

Department of Agriculture
Mao Zedong

Department of Commerce
Josef Stalin

Department of Defense
Kaiser Wilhelm II

Department of Education
Vlad III (aka Vlad the Impaler)

Department of Energy
Leonid Brezhnev

Department of Health and Human Services
Muammar Gaddafi

Department of Homeland Security
Saddam Hussein

Department of Housing and Urban Development
Pol Pot

Department of Interior
Kim Jong-Il

Department of Labor
Adolf Hitler

Department of State
Nicholas II

Department of Transportation
Ho Chi Minh

Department of Treasury
Vladimir Lenin

Department of Veterans Affairs
Genghis Khan

Attorney General
Idi Amin Dada

White House Chief of Staff
Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter, zombie

American conservative social and political commentator, and sometime zombie, Ann Coulter has agreed to join Donald Trump’s presidential cabinet as Chief of Staff.


Photos

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