Virtual Psychiatric Counseling Session

November 19, 2010 at 1:56 pm  •  Posted in Fiction, Flash Fiction, Humor by  •  0 Comments

Angry cartoon head with sharp teeth in need of psychiatric counselingIn a virtual world, inter-Twitter conflict can only be handled through virtual psychiatric counseling sessions.

GapingVacuum: Where should I start?
PsychOut: Where do you want to start?
GV: Grumble, grumble….isn’t that what I’m fucking paying you for?
PO: Why don’t you start with what’s bothering you today.
GV: What’s fucking bothering me? What the fuck’s wrong with you?
PO: I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t mean to offend you. I just want this session to be useful for you.
GV: Cut with the insincere “Sir” crap and I might give your questions some thought. 😉
PO: Okay, what do you do for a living?
GV: I’m an artist, not like the shit that others put out, real fucking art.
PO: What are you working on right now?
GV: Working on a really important piece. Something that no one has done, can do or will do.
PO: Is that why you contacted me? Something to do with your art?
GV: No, I’m in a pissy mood.
PO: Why?
GV: If you give people the tools to waste everybody’s fucking time, they will waste everybody’s fucking time.
PO: Is that what you’re really thinking?
GV: No I’m thinking, is all this just an utter waste of time?
PO: That’s up to you.
GV: Fucking asshole, when are you you going to ask me an interesting question? 😉
PO: Okay, what pushed you over the edge? You’re here for a reason.
GV: One of my comments the other day got a buttload of angry responses. Guess they thought I was talking about them 😀
PO: And that bothered you?
GV: No idea. Go fuck yourself.
PO: What was your comment? The one that made people angry.
GV: I said: Note to Whiney-Ass: Hey, you know those people who nobody gives a shit about? I’ve just added you to that list.
PO: Why did you say that?
GV: Because he fucking annoyed me. Aaargh. Kill them all.
PO: Do you really want to hurt them?
GV: Hurt them? No, I want to fucking kill them. An un-culled herd is not worth having.
PO: Why did this guy bother you?
GV: He’s incapable of making cool shit himself, so he buys cool shit instead. Easy. Yet unsatisfying, somehow.
PO: And that bothers you?
GV: Of course it fucking bothers me! Where the fuck did you get your degree? Some shitty internet school?
PO: Yes, I did get my degree online.
GV: Note to PsychOut: Grow a pair and get a real fucking job.

Flash Fiction: Virtual Psychiatric Counseling Session © 2010 by Shawn Radcliffe / Branáin

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